RETIREMENT BLUES- A SHORT STORY!

1.

“Hey, come on man! Why tomorrow? Come right now.” Sumesh was euphoric.

“No, No, friend. Just the other day we were there. What would BHABIJI (SISTER-IN-LAW---Sumesh’s wife) think?” Raj Singh sounded cautious.

“Come of it, man, I am alone. Yes, all alone. No one here now for a few days to boss around.”, Sumesh was showing his excitement

“What? Where is Sunita?” asked Raj.

“Oh, she has gone to some interior place in HIMACHAL to attend the marriage of her some distant cousin’s daughter. She won’t be around till 25th June. I AM FREE, MAN. TOTALLY FREE! How I have been longing for this day for the past 30 years?” Sumesh was unable to hide his jubilation.

“Oh, so this is the secret of euphoria?” Raj added sarcasm to his tone.

“Come on, dude. Join me. Let us enjoy the FREEDOM OF A WEEK. Come and see I am my own boss here. I can do what I want to do. Come on, Raj.” Sumesh invited Raj.

“How lucky you are? Ok, it is, 10 AM, now. I will be there in half an hour.” Raj could not refuse the temptation.

“LUCKY? You don’t know what is it like? It is a relief from 30 years of NON-STOP –HOME- SLAVERY, momentary, though. You see I don’t have to get up at 6 AM to take the delivery of MILK from the milk boy. I get up at 10 AM. I don’t have to run with that KACHRA TIN (GARBAGE BOX) to hand over to garbage collector at 7 AM daily. I told these guys to buzz off for next 10 days and don’t disturb me. I don’t want to drink that damn milk. I always vomit. The best part is I don’t have to take out clothes from the washing machine and hang them in the gallery for drying up. Many many more such things, friend.” Sumesh had amplified the benefit of his sudden bout of FREEDOM from daily chores.

“Wow! What luck man? I have to do worse—dance on every command of Ranjana. She SAYS ‘GO’; I GOETH. She says ‘COME’; I COMETH. I have to cycle to vegetable market every day to remain fit. I have to do that SWAMI RAMDEV’s exercises with her at 5 AM onwards to keep her diseases away. I can not eat sweets. I can not eat salty food. I have to eat bland boiled VEG food every day. Drinks? It has been eons since I last had them.” Raj explained his miseries.

“Come, then, come and let us enjoy today, for, who knows IF Tomorrow comes.” Sumesh provoked him.

“Ok, I am coming, dude.” Raj shrieked.


2.

“Who were you talking to, darling?” Ranjana was inquiring from Raj Singh.

“Oh, that was Sumesh, Sweet heart. He is in the bank, you see. He had gone to get his TDR renewed. The manager told him about rejection of my annual certificate on PENSION. You know that annual certificate of pension given in NOVEMBER had some anomalies” Raj Singh was making excuses.

“OK, but you seemed very ecstatic darling. Is Sunita there?” Ranjana WAS NOT CONVINCED.

“No, I did not ask about Sunita. She must be at home only?” Raj replied.

“What was he saying?” Ranjana enquired.

“Yea, you know that damn Sumesh. Don’t you? He cracked that funny joke—a NON VEG one—MERI BAGIYA KE PHOOL TERI SAREE MEIN KAISE (How come the flowers from my lawns have been imprinted on your SAREE) -----Blah blah”

“You ‘Buddha KHADOOS’ (You old foggies)! Even at this age, when your grand children have been married, you will only talk of silly things. You men will never change.” Ranjana reprimanded.

“Yes, my darling. Because MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS—never the thinking of TWAIN SHALL MEET. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” Raj Singh thought he had delivered the dialogue of his life.

“Don’t crack this silly joke? Behave your age you rotten fellow.” Ranjana was serious.

“Come on don’t get serious Ranjana.” Raj looked at his watch and said, “Oh it is already 10.30 AM. I must be there before the Manager leaves.”

“How much time will u take? I am sure you will be back by lunch?” Ranjana enquired.

“Oh, I will try darling. If I am late, then, don’t wait for me.” Raj told her

“Hey, Listen, Why don’t you drop me at SUNITA’s place? Pick me up when you are on your way back. ” Ranjana made a reasonable request.

“No, No, You don’t keep company with that woman. I don’t want her to teach you wrong things, darling.” Raj refused the request deliberately hiding the truth.

“Ok, go but come back soon. And don’t sit with that BOOZE MASTER friend of yours. What is his name? Yea----MANOJ Rana. Understand.” Ranjana commanded

“Trust me darling” and RAJ was gone.



3.

Knock !Knock!! Knock, but no response. ‘Don’t tell me this guy has been knocked off at 11.30 AM” Raj said to himself. Then, he remembered, “But no. He is off drinks. He had left it some six months back. He had made a big promise to SUNITA after that FISTING BOUT with TARKESHWAR in the SILVER JUBILEE ANNIVERSARY celebratioins of UMESH and UMA.” “Must be the guy has gone off to sleep. I will try once more and then go back, if no response. ” Raj promised himself.

Knock and the door swung open with Sumesh rubbing his sleepy eyes with right hand.

“It took you so long, you lazy bum?” Raj said while surveying the room. He noticed that every thing was in a state of FUNCTIONAL CHAOS. There were beer bottles thrown around the room. Used utensils lay on the dining table as if they have not been cleaned for days. There was dust all around.

“ Oh, I waited for you for 15 minutes and then poured half a bottle of VODKA down my throat and went off to sleep” Sumesh explained.

“Vodka? Beer Bottles? What is this? I thought you were off drinks Sumesh” Raj showed his surprise.

“Oh, that was just to pacify Sunita after that fist-fight with TARKESHWAR. She thought I behaved like an animal after drinks and I had punched him very badly on the nose.” Sumesh justified his drinking freedom.

“Does she know your hidden tryst with LIQUOR?” Raj asked.

“Oh, I am a HOLY COW for her now. She won’t believe you even if you show my video to her” ,Sumesh exuded an air of confidence.

“Why, what have you done to change her impressions about you?” Raj was curious.

“I let her buy a diamond set every six months---You see with her own money only” Sumesh said with a mischievous wink.

“With her money? How?” Raj expressed curiosity.

“ You see --------She has no clue of finances---I keep putting her money in mutual funds---book profit---when markets shoot up---keep it with me----when she wants to buy jewelry I release that money. She is only bothered that her principal amount of Rs one million should not come down—so she thinks I‘ve put it in fixed deposit with rate of interest around 6-7 percent for six monthly deposits---where as I make a neat 20-25 percent profit through my direct trade on the net” Sumesh explained his investment jugglery and wizardry.

“Smart guy. I might also try.” Acknowledged Raj.



Thereafter both of them got into guzzling VODKA and yapping. Yap! Yap!! Yap, and nothing else. Time slipped past like a supersonic jet. They didn’t realize it was past six in the evening. They had chatted their afternoon discussing whole life from school to college to retirement. Time to time they cried for those wonderful days gone by. The reminiscences of those days, as top executives in the MNCs, were haunting them. It was the time when the whole world was at their beck and call. They were lords at homes, too. Their wives never questioned them on their iterinary. They did not have to do household chores. It was below their dignity. But, no, not now. The times had changed. They were the UNPAID SERVANTS of the lady of the house. Both of them cursed the life of RETIREMENT. It was a big joke of the fate, they concluded. But this was the present reality. They must obey their employer at home. Their daily meals for their survival were through courtesy of the ladies of their houses. Today, the long lost friends of childhood were really having a rollicking time when Raj Singh’s mobile started making the noise.

“Where are you?” thundered Ranjana.

“Oh darling I’m stuck in the road block” Raj sing sounded confident

“Road block? On IT Park road? Where?”, Inquisitively Ranjana showered her questions.

“Hey, not road block but TRAFFIC JAM—it was slip of the tongue” Raj corrected himself.

“Traffic Jam? Sounds funny, dear.” roared Ranjana.

“But it is there” Raj was assertive.

“What time did you leave the bank?” Ranjana was getting suspicious.

“EXACTLY AT 2 PM.” RAJ replied.

“So, you have been there in this JAM for four and a half hours. Are you kidding?” shouted Ranjana.

Raj realized the faux pax he had created but he sheepishly responded, “Truth is bitter. But I know it will clear in half an hour, sweetie.” Raj asserted his confidence.

“I hope so” and Ranjana switched off her mobile.

“I must be going” declared Raj.

“Sure, you do let us finish off this damn bottle” suggested Sumesh. They again got down to Vodka. Another hour had gone by.

It was almost 8 PM when the door bell rang. Sumesh opened the door and all hell broke lose with Ranjana fuming hot with anger. She shouted, “Where is he?”

“Inside” was the instant reply of Sumesh. Ranjana surveyed the room and almost fainted. Beer bottles were strewn in the room like a pearl necklace scattered on the floor. She gained her composure and exchanged glances with Raj—who was standing unmoved with VODKA glass in his hands.

“So, this is your TRAFFIC JAM or a JAM SESSION with a drunkard?” Ranjana was furious.

“Bhabijee, you are violating rules of decency?” Sumesh mustered courage to save his friend.

“Oh, SHUT UP. Where is Sunita?”, Ranjana cut him short.

“She has gone for a marriage of her niece.” Raj butted in.

“Oh, I see. So you do not want me to keep her bad company but you want to enjoy with this man who is cheating his wife” Ranjana was accusing.

“Bhabijee, you are being discourteous, too” Sumesh had no other words to rebut her.

“Oh, get lost. To hell with you two RATS” ,so saying Ranjana walked out of the house. Raj Singh had no choice but to run after her to calm her down.



4.


Time was 9 pm. Sumesh’s mobile rang.It was Sunita.

“Oh darling, I hope you could manage”, Sunita was so concerned.

“How can I without you darling? It is very difficult to stay without you.” Sumesh was pleading with his wife.

“Don’t worry darling, I would be back in 10 days. One Problem, sweetheart?” Sunita was opening up her cards.

“What is it?” Automatically, responded Sumesh.

“I forgot to get my Diamond set. Every one is decked up in dazzling jewelry, here.” Sunita explained.

“Where are yours? You had three of them darling?” Sumesh quizzed.

“In the locker. But the keys are with me. You can not take them out.” Sunita clarified.

“What to do now?” Sumesh asked naturally

“Ask Mrs. Raj Singh to lend her set for some days.” Suggested Sunita.

“No, No, never ever Sunita. I do not want you to borrow from this woman. I will buy another one for you, darling. Remember the one you selected last DIWALI.” Sumesh was certainly buttering.

“Oh, dear how nice you are? I will send my nephew to fetch it day after.” Sunita was overjoyed.

“Certainly. And bye” Sumesh switched off his mobile in a hurry, lest his voice betrayed his condition.

5.


Raj was chasing Ranjana like a policeman goes after a thief. The only difference being he was pleading and requesting.(It is a different matter that policemen actually do this these days!) But Ranjana was not listening. She was climbing the steps of her flat like PT USHA jumping across the hurdles. In this race Raj suddenly fell with a thud and probably twisted his ankle. His losing of the balance might have been due to the effect of amount of liquor he had consumed. But a BIG ACTOR as he was, he made a big moaning sound, which forced RANJANA to check her steps and look back. This was the golden chance for RAJ to wash off his sins and he cried loudly in pain, as if he was badly hurt. Ranjana shouted, “What happened?”

“My ankle is twisted. I can not walk. It is the same old ankle, I had got hurt last month.” Raj was exploiting his chance. Ranjana came down. She could see Raj holding his ankle. She helped him get up. With lot of 'OOHs and AAHs' he got up, giving Ranjana the impression that he was badly hurt. As a good actor, he had managed to cool her down and she slowly and slowly carried him towards their house. In the house, she massaged his foot with saline water. And------there was no problem that night. He had perhaps blind folded her with his exxaggerated injury. Or maybe, Ranjana had given up trying to cure an incurable disease.

6.


It was 11PM. There was a message on RAJ’s mobile. It read:

“HAS THE TORNADO COOLED DOWN OR ARE THE WAVES STILL RISING IN THE OCEAN?

Raj saw his wife sleeping, he intoned the reply:

TIDAL WAVES HAVE CALMED DOWN AND QUIETNESS RULES THE OCEAN. HOPING FOR NO 'TWISTER' TOMORROW?

The reply came in a jiffy:

WHENCE THE WINDS BLOW, SET AT SAIL; LET YOUR BOAT WITH THE WINDS SWAY.

Raj promptly put down:

" Yes, I am swaying with the wind b'coz of TINA, should you think otherwise , it is :THERE IS NO ALTERNARIVE, Friend!"